Don't let your hearts be troubled Trust in God, and trust also in me. John 14:1 NLT
If they listen and obey God; they will be blessed with prosperity throughout their lives. All their years will be pleasant. Job 36:11 NLT
Thoughts race across the frontier of my mind like wild horses, running ahead of a prairie fire. I feel fear and doubts rising within me like black specters from some deep, dark abyss. My soul mate, my husband is dying. I am facing an uncertain future. I am too young
to collect social security, and I know deep within me that I cannot return to my former profession, counseling. I haven't enough emotional energy to cope with my own grief and loss, and to simultaneously hold someone else's emotions. Maybe I will be able to sometime in the future after I have navigated the slippery slopes of widowhood. Yet I will need a
source of income. The bills are piling up and I haven't paid our tithe. I pray. I hear a still quiet voice say trust and obey. "Okay, okay, Lord. I'll pay the tithe". After saying this I wander into the kitchen where my husband is reading the Bible. "Grab your Bible and
turn to Malachi 3:8."
1 did as he requested and read the passage aloud: Should people cheat God? Yet you have cheated me! But you ask, What do you mean? When did we ever cheat you? You have cheated me of the tithes and offerings due to me.
It was as if God was confirming for me that I had heard him correctly. I Wrote the tithe check, but the words trust and obey lingered in my head for several days.
At first it was baffling, God, I did obey. I wrote the tithe check. Why are you still saying "Trust and obey?" As I meditated on these words, God revealed to me that He wants more than just a monetary tithe. He wants me! He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
He wants to birth a new life for me. My old life is ending. A new life must be birthed, and God is doing it even now. God is teaching me how to be a writer, an author who writes for His Glory. He is challenging me to face the greatest fear of my life, the fear of success. Fear of success, you say? Don't you mean fear of failure? No, no, a thousand times NO. I know failure. I understand failure. God knows how many times I have failed. I may not like failure, but I am comfortable with its boundaries. I know what to say, how to act and how to be a failure.
What I don't know and therefore fear is success. But God is success. He knows what to say, how to act, and how to be a success. I can be His willing pupil or I can try to run and hide. I say try because I have never yet been able to run and hide from the Lord.
In that moment I made a decision, a decision that I would believe God and write for Him. It is a life changing decision. Questions flood my mind like a huge tsunami and are answered before I even utter them. It is amazing how God puts the right people in the right place at the right time to assist me along my journey.
God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. Psalm 18: 32,33 NLT
The Greeks speak of time in two ways: chronos and kairos. Chronos is chronological time. What my husband is experiencing as he winds down to the final day of his earthly life. Kairos is a season of time or the right time for something to occur. I am living in kairos, a new season of my life. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is leading me forward. God is birthing a new life in me.
The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8 NLT
Author Resource:-
Ann E. Van Dyke holds a Masters degree in psychology and is a licensed addictions
counselor.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and
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